Back on the Wagon, Day 2

Sometimes I could just kick myself.  I had made so much progress, lost so much weight, and felt great.  I was out of my fat clothes, built a considerable amount of muscle, could tie my shoes without holding my breath!  Then, the all-encompassing excuse… life got in the way!  And while it’s true that my last few years would make the strongest of people crumble, what is it that makes me turn to food to handle the stress?  Why do I ignore my health for a moment of perceived happiness?

What exactly happens that I tell myself that that burrito will make me feel better?  And the funny thing is, it doesn’t make me feel better; I always end up feeling worse!  Slowly, day after day, turning to food for comfort that only causes added anxiety.  So here I am, fat and unhealthy again, starting all over.

Sure sure, body positivity and all that crap.  But the fact is, I’m unhealthy, uncomfortable, often sick, and probably pre-diabetic.  I’m not doing my health any favors.  I don’t buy into that *just love your body trope. In no way should anyone ever be belittled, made fun of, bullied, or picked on because of how they look.  But we’ve become a society where we are so afraid to hurt someone’s feelings that we’re willing to let them slowly kill themselves instead.  How is that ok?

We’re blasted with Eat the cake, be happy, you’re going to die anyway, right?  It’s another symptom of our instant gratification culture.  It’s another way we justify our behavior.  It’s so much easier to justify eating that sugary cupcake than to be structured, disciplined. 

In reality, I’d rather die at a ripe old age after being able to experience life, travel, watch my children grow into adulthood with their own families.  Not die due to complications of diabetes, heart disease or a hundred other conditions linked to the junk we eat.

This literally just popped into my facebook feed as I wrote this.  Sure it’s funny, I get it, but so many of us take these a little too seriously.

And frankly, why is it shoved down our throats (pun intended) that it has to be food that makes us happy?  Big Business, Big Agra, Big Pharma… I think that’s a topic for another post.

So here I am again, day 2 of fighting old, ingrained, unhealthy habits, to make myself healthy.  It’s not a diet, these are literal life choices I have to make.  I have to remember that food is fuel, not an (unsuccessful) antidepressant.  Day 1 is in the books, and I’m off to a good start on day 2. 

I can do this! Again!