I really shouldn’t be writing this. I’m sure many of you will judge me for judging someone else. I didn’t think things like this really needed to be said, but apparently they sometimes do. I am absolutely beside myself, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about what happened.
She is a friend of a friend. A person that I did consider a friend at one point, up until recently. A single mom, like myself. But Sunday sealed the deal. We’ll call her Karen, and Karen is an idiot.
Karen recently began a relationship with a man who lives out of state, about 6 months ago. Sunday she was distraught, as he had to return home for the week and it would be 2 weeks before they could see each other again. Life just isn’t fair, she said. She wants to move to be near him, but her kids are here. They need to understand that it is Her time to be happy! She has to put herself first, after all, she deserves that, you know. By the way, did I mention her children are only 12 and 14? Certainly not an impressionable age or anything. Anyhoo, she’s got another friend, a single mom also, who told her that she is holding off on dating while her kids are so young, and is focusing on them. Well she got a mouthful, mmm hmmm. Karen said that that was ridiculous! She deserves to have a man to make her happy, and it was crazy to think she should have to focus only on her kids!
Wait, what?
Did I mention that she has her kids Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday, and she chooses to fly out of state to see her boyfriend instead of having her kids on many of her scheduled days? They just don’t understand that she needs to be happy now!
Wait, WHAT?!
Hang on, her ex is calling. He asks her to bring the kids back, it’s his night. She doesn’t want to make the 45 minute drive. Karen says why should she have to do it? She’s not making the drive. Not going to happen, fuck you, right in front of her child. And why should I have to drive all the way out there to take Max to football practice anyway. You take him.
Up until this point, I hadn’t said a word. Karen and I have a history of getting into a row or two if we’ve been around each other too long. My lips hurt from biting them to keep them shut. And just like when little Ralphie yells Oh fuck in slow motion when he knocks over the hubcap of nuts and screws in A Christmas Story, my mouth took on a life of its own.
First, no one should need another person to make them happy. Happiness comes from inside. If you’re forcing someone else to be your happiness, you will always be miserable. Cliché, but true, and also pathetic.
Second, have a boyfriend if you want. Hell, have 3, I don’t care. But yes, your kids do come first. The minute you became a mother, you became 2nd. You work their schedule around your life. Period. You don’t neglect your duties on your scheduled days so you can be with your new future ex. And yes, sometimes you drive that 4th time, or even 5th time. Yes, sometimes it is very inconvenient. And sometimes you just have to suck it up for the sake of your children. They will remember what each parent did or didn’t do when they needed you.
The only things your sons heard, emotionally, was that they aren’t worth making the drive for, they aren’t worth hanging around for, and they surely aren’t worth your time. You’ve got other people you’d rather be with. So when you ex tells you that your children said they can’t wait for you to move anyway, just know that you caused that, Karen.
Adios.
