It’s that time of year again, full of giving thanks, presents, parties, friends, and family.  And while some people are putting up their holiday decorations before Michael Myers has even had a chance to scrub his machete, some of us low-key dread the season.

Even with the closest of families, the pressure of the holidays can push any family to the brink.  This list of Do’s and Don’ts can help to get you through the holidays so that you’re all still talking to each other after Christmas.

DO’s

Be Realistic

We all want everything to go well.  We want everyone to be happy, our meals to be perfect, and our gifts to be everything they’d asked Santa for.  If you realize ahead of time that there are going to be hiccups, and that something, somewhere, won’t go as planned, you’ll be better for it.  Whether your guests show up late or the turkey is dry, remember that the point of the holidays is to spend it with loved ones.  They don’t care if the turkey is dry, they care that you are all together.  So choke down that dry turkey if you must, and tell family stories around the dinner table and enjoy your company.

Take Breaks

No matter how much we love our family and friends, the constant interactions can become overwhelming for anyone.  Even if it’s just stealing away for a few moments in your bedroom, or spending some extra time in the restroom to take a moment to re-center and breathe, do it.

Accept Help From Others

If you’re hosting, let others help.  When someone offers to help, accept their offer.  You don’t have to do everything on your own.  Let them help set up, bringing side dishes, clean up.  Not only does it make the other person feel useful, but it also helps to keep you from feeling overwhelmed.  Some of my favorite memories are after dinner when we were all in the kitchen helping to clean up.  Ok, not really, but it did make cleanup faster so my mom and aunt weren’t so overwhelmed.

Expect the Unexpected

If your schedule is disrupted, just go with it.  You’re all together to hopefully enjoy each other’s company, not monitor a schedule.

Schedule Down Time

It seems like November and December we are in a constant state of Go.  Make sure you schedule downtime in between grocery shopping, present shopping, and holiday parties.  Remember, it’s ok to say no when you need to.  So when you are adding party dates or shopping dates, or whatever kind of dates to your calendar, make sure that you also schedule a Quiet Night, Movie Night, or Game Night with the family.  Make sure you don’t overload your calendar, or overload yourself!

Breathe

Literally, breathe.  Slowly breathe in to a count of five, through your nose, filling your lungs from bottom to top.  Pause for 3 seconds, then release slowly through your lips, exhaling from the top of your lungs to the bottom.  Repeat as needed.

DON’Ts

Talk Politics

When I drive Uber, people often want to talk about politics.  Regardless of my own beliefs, I agree with whatever they say.  Period.  It isn’t the time or the place.  Nothing good can come of it.  While best practice would be to not even bring up politics at a holiday event, there will probably be someone who does.  If it can’t be avoided, it’s not going to kill you to agree, or at least just nod, if it keeps the peace for a short time.  Let them complete their thought, and then sincerely excuse yourself to check on other guests. Remember, family is what is important, not being right.

Overcommit

Going along with Scheduling Down Time above, be sure to not overcommit your schedule.  I suggest using a full month calendar to plan your holiday events so that you can see the entire month at a time.  If are only looking daily or weekly, the month can get out of hand and overwhelming.  The bigger the picture you can get, the better.

Drink Too Much Alcohol

I know, I know.  We often joke about using alcohol to get through the holidays, but depending on the type of relationship you have with your visiting family, loose lips may not be what is needed to keep the peace.  While a glass of wine may ease your anxiety, too much could cause you to tell Aunt Karen you don’t want to hear her latest *And so I asked to speak to the manager* story.  So leave the bottle in the wine rack and have some Egg Nog.

We all know the holidays can be a joyous, and stressful time.  Let’s do what we can to make sure that we all survive best we can!